One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
