I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
