I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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