..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
