Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
