threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
