You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
