I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
