I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
