you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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