I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
