Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
