There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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