i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
