Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fuck appropriateness.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
