I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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