Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
