so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
