I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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