I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
