just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
