I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
