OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
