This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
