Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
