Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
