I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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