btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
