dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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