Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
