I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
