Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
