Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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