Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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