he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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