He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
