Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
