So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't think brook has ever known best
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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