We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
