I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
