every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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