Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
