It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
