Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were trust falling into bushes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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