Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
