idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize