??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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