I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
