took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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