I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
me + whiskey = a bad person
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
