She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
