ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
