A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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