You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
being pregnant is like rehab
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
