i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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