turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
