walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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