brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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