sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
why is half of my head shaved?
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