He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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