you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
