oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
