I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
