I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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