after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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