and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
