I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
