I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Boobs speak an international language.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
