I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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