I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
