You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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