your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize