you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
