The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
