Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
