I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I touched a dick in church today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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