i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
