im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
