I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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