dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
