Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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