I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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