I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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