can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
