That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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