There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
